Category Archives: acts of mercy

Day 4: Beauty

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40 day challenge 20thballroom image

As always, begin with the Prayer of Abandonment.

Ladies, when was the last time you unleashed your inner diva on your husband, for no reason other than to remind him of the girl he married? When was the last time he noticed the sparkle in your eye, the music in your laugh, the many evidences of care and hominess you put into your home, to make it a place you all want to be?

What’s that? Your inner diva got lost in the wash? Your Marie Kondo is a Kon-Don’t? It’s okay … Lent is a time for new beginnings. You can always start over!

Today’s theme is beauty. It’s one of the transcendent virtues that (along with truth and goodness) have whispered of the very nature of God since the beginning of time . . . and how we, as creatures made in God’s image, reveal a glimpse of God’s original design as well as our eternal destiny.

A few months back I felt as though we needed to add a bit of fun to our lives, and bought a couple of seats to our local “Wine and Paint” club. Neither of us is particularly handy with a paint brush, but it’s amazing what a bottle of wine and a plate of tapas will do for creative juices! See?

Date night

It can be easy to lose sight of beauty when both you and your husband lounge around the house for days at a time in your PJs (telecommuting does have its perks, but it’s important not to save the best of ourselves for the outside world!). So go ahead, surprise your husband with a special lunch. Invest in a pretty pajama set. Rock out the house with the classical arias or alternative rock albums that make his pulse flutter. Revel in YOUR kind of beauty.

One of the gifts of the vocation of marriage is that we become icons of beauty for our husbands, often in the most unexpected ways, as they see the light of love shining in our eyes. Something to think about.

And so, tonight after the kids are in bed, pour yourselves a glass of wine, linger over a lovely table, and together, thank God for the beauty of your marriage.

How are you celebrating  beauty today? Why not share with us on Facebook at “The 40 Day Challenge”?

Lessons in Poverty

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IMatterA red-haired girl, about 7, energetically dragged her prize — a rolling Disney princess bag — toward my table as her beleaguered grandparents followed, their arms laden with treasures of their own. Six panels of curtains, a leather jacket, an assortment of glasses. On top of this, a dizzying assortment of tiny, sparkly skirts and tees that were clearly intended for the little fashionista who stood in front of me, ready to check out. Her dirty face shone as she squealed again over each bit of clothing as my daughter loaded it in to shopping bags with a smile. I was so glad she’d decided to come; it had been a good day.

At 2:00 I dropped off Sarah (who promptly went upstairs for a nap) and picked up Christopher, and headed to meet the others at the Center for the Homeless, to unpack the trucks full of donations for the food pantry. I have never seen more boxed mac and cheese in my entire life, and made a mental note to start donating more toiletries — toothpaste, laundry soap, and aspirin had been much asked-for items at the Cove. I made a mental note to collect soda bottles and fill them with detergent for next time.

After spending a full day rubbing elbows with the neediest members of our community, first at the Shepherd’s Cove Clothing Pantry (Elkhart), and then at the
Center for the Homeless (South Bend), I dragged my body home and collapsed on the couch. I was tired and sore all over from the lifting, bending, and stretching. But I had learned a few things as well.

Don’t forget to pray. I saw an elderly woman’s eyes tear up in front of me when I asked if I could pray with her. Her granddaughter was moving in with her, and she had just found out her kidney cancer was back. She grabbed both my hands as I asked God to heal her, and to keep her granddaughter safe.

Little things mean a lot. A little kid tripped and fell, and his mother and grandmother both had their hands full. So I went over and picked him up … and saw that this was precisely the wrong thing to do. So I set him down and did a little song and dance, and got a laugh, the boo-boo forgotten. At the end of the tally, little Richard waved at me. “See you next time!”

Fear can make you greedy. I’d often heard this in foster training, in relation to food hoarding, but it came back to me as I watched people bring 30 shirts and 20 pairs of pants to clothe a single child. I wondered why they needed so much … but quickly dismissed the idea. I had seen the mountains of unopened donation bags. There would always be more. If this is what they believed they needed to get by, who was I to say no?

It really does take a village. I was surprised to see how much “stuff” was available for the people who needed it. The problem was that there were so few volunteers to sort, organize, and help the clients that much of the stuff sat there for weeks, unopened and unused. Donating just five hours a month — a single Friday or Saturday — could make a real difference.

If you live in St. Joseph County (IN) and would like to volunteer your time, or if you live outside the area and want to make a donation to keep the lights and heat going, contact Sharlee Morain at shepherdscove@hotmail.com 

 

The Circular Mercy of God

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An old Portuguese proverb (sometimes attributed to Thomas Merton), reminds us that “God writes straight with crooked lines.” While God cannot be accused of pointless meandering or false steps — his ways are perfect, after all — the same cannot be said of us. And because he has given us free will, God sometimes allows us to take detours, taking us in circular routes to accomplish his purposes in our lives.

prince of peaceBy way of example, I was twelve when I got my first organist gig at this little country church, Prince of Peace Lutheran Church in Hamburg, NJ. It was my first taste of liturgy, and the people there (particularly the longsuffering Reverend Richard Izzard and his lovely wife Eileen) were so kind to me. It was a small but necessary step in my spiritual journey, and these dear friends supported me when it came time for my first short-term mission experience. I think it is one of God’s little jokes that, thirty five years later, my family now belongs to Queen of Peace, a homey little Catholic Church in Mishawaka, Indiana.

Although you can’t tell from the picture, this church can be seen for miles, lying at the top of a hillside along U.S. 94. And one wintery day in January 1983, just a short distance down that hill, my life took another unexpected turn … a car accident in which I was badly injured and hospitalized for more than a month. As a result, I was no longer able to have children. But in his circular mercy, God redeemed even this sorrow. That accident took me on a circuitous route through missionary training, into the Catholic Church, and prompted us to adopt Chris and Sarah. In the words of Thomas Merton, “There is no earthly sorrow heaven cannot heal.”

mitchell familyIn just a few weeks, we’ll be heading to Costa Rica to help a dear friend of mine, Colleen Mitchell and her husband Greg. Colleen is the author of a wonderful book, Who Does He Say You Are? in which she shares the story of her own motherly grief, in which the loss of her infant son Bryce and four subsequent miscarriages led her and her husband Greg to create a maternity home for indigenous women and their children in Costa Rica. You can read more about it here.

It kind of takes my breath away, thinking of the way God orchestrated all this. Who would have thought, when I was lying broken by the side of the road, that God would use it all to change the lives of two children who had not yet been born? Who would have thought that, after I left missionary work and became Catholic, God would resurrect that desire to serve as a Catholic missionary? Who would have thought that, in his infinite mercy, God would redeem the brokenness of another family, using it to reach a group of people who might otherwise never have known about his infinite mercy?

I remember the deeds of the Lord,
I remember your wonders of old,
I muse on all your works
and ponder your mighty deeds….
You are the God who works wonders.

What’s your story? How has God’s circular mercy been at work in your life? Please consider how you might help to support the work of St. Bryce Missions, and please pray for us as we prepare to go and volunteer — holding babies all day. I can scarcely wait!

40 Day Challenge, Day 4: In Search of Beauty

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ballroom image

As always, begin with the Prayer of Abandonment.

Ladies, when was the last time you unleashed your inner diva on your husband, for no reason other than to remind him of the girl he married?

Gentlemen, when was the last time you noticed, really noticed, your wife’s beauty? The sparkle in her eye, the music in her laugh, the many evidences of care and hominess she puts into your home, to make it a place you want to be?

Today’s theme is beauty. It’s one of the transcendent virtues that (along with truth and goodness) have whispered of the very nature of God since the beginning of time . . . and how we, as creatures made in God’s image, reveal a glimpse of God’s original design as well as our eternal destiny.

And so, as you go about your day today, think of how you can offer the gift of beauty, either in the making of it or the joyful acknowledgment of that gift. Pour yourselves a glass of wine, linger over a lovely table, and together, thank God for the beauty of your marriage.

Remembering Mr. Fancher

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Mr FancherA few weeks ago we arrived at church and, as the first hymn was about to start, I quickly scanned the crowd for a gap big enough for my family. I slid in, and found myself seated next to … Mr. Fancher. Not the real one — he died when I was a little girl. But he bore a striking similarity to the elderly gentleman who used to live next door.

He lived alone, but every day when I got off the school bus from kindergarten, he’d be out working in his garden. He’d lean on his hoe, and intone to me: “Beautiful eyes, she has such beautiful eyes…” I’d drop my book bag and run to his yard, and he’d let me help him pull weeds and pick flowers for my mother. Sometimes he’d go in to the house and bring out a glass of Kool-Aid or a cookie, just to sweeten the day.

My parents invited him to dinner, and soon he became a fixture in our home. We never knew the story of his own family, his own grandchildren. When he passed away, he gave my father his old roll-top desk, where for the next twenty years my father would sit and pay the bills.

So today, when I looked up and found his twin smiling pleasantly up at me, my heart clenched. I never forgot the first man who — other than my own dad — made me feel beautiful. Forty years later, his little song plays in my head and makes me smile.

Happy Father’s Day, Mr. Fancher. Rest in peace.

Heart of a . . . Spinster?

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RNS-INAUGURAL-MASSIn recent news, Pope Francis is widely being reported as having called a group of 800 women religious “spinsters” and “old maids.” Predictably, the secular media excoriated the pope for insulting and demeaning the sisters. (One might have thought that their response — peals of laughter, rather than collectively throwing their rosaries at him — might have given the media a clue that something else was going on here.) CNS gives us the bigger picture here:

In his talk to the women, Pope Francis said their vow of chastity expands their ability to give themselves to God and to others “with the tenderness, mercy and closeness of Christ.”

However, “please, let it be a fruitful chastity, a chastity that generates sons and daughters in the church. The consecrated woman is a mother, must be a mother and not a spinster,” he said. While the sisters were laughing at his use of a very colloquial Italian word for “spinster” or “old maid,” he added: “Forgive me for speaking this way, but the motherhood of consecrated life, its fertility, is important.”

Spiritual motherhood, in other words, is about bearing and nurturing life with a focus that is outward rather than inward, on the good of others instead of one’s personal ambitions.

I don’t know about you, but I believe this particular challenge is an important one for wives and mothers as well. In the work God gives us to do, how often do we resort to a “spinsterish” heart — closed, unwelcoming, cold? When a child reaches out for me, and messes with my carefully constructed plans about what the day should bring, do I respond with the heart of a mother, or a spinster?

I hate to admit it, but I still have far to go in releasing my “old maid ways.”

Thanks for the reminder, dear Father!

How to Get Rid of Impatience

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catholic crossThis week I found myself over at “Whispers in the Loggia” and came across Rocco Palmo’s post dated May 21, 2013 containing the homily of Pope Francis, who spoke of his personal encounter of faith.

In his own warm and personable way, Pope Francis recalled receiving the personal challenge of his “Nona” (grandmother) to follow Jesus — and later encountering a priest at his local parish, who was waiting to receive his confession. “He had been waiting for me for quite some time,” said the Holy Father. He would never forget it — and it had a profound effect upon his decision to become a priest.

I smiled as I thought of this confessional encounter, remembering my own encounter with Jesus last weekend, an unexpected gift that I found in a poor old parish in downtown Reading. To be honest, I had gone in not expecting anything remarkable, going through my laundry list of faults and sins. Again and again I found myself saying the same word: impatience. Impatient at home. Impatient at work. Impatient with my family.

“You know the best way to get rid of impatience, don’t you?” came the voice from the far side of the screen.

“Tell me, Father.”

“Not by praying for patience … That only brings more challenges. You can ask for perseverance, and that will help. But the most IMPORTANT thing you can do is fast.”

“Fast? From food?”

“From food, from radio, from television. Like at Lent. When we fast, it reminds us that we are not in charge of our lives. It puts our own will in the back seat, and allows Jesus to take the driver’s seat. Fast, and you will find your impatience disappear.”

In that moment, a light went on. It was a timely gift. In that moment, I knew Jesus had been waiting to give it to me.

Putting It On the Line for Love

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line dancingAre you a line dancer? No, me either — not usually. But today I’m gonna “put it on the line for love” for a good friend of mine, and invite you to join me.

Today I got a wonderful note from a dear friend — Friend A — who has had her fair share of heartache this past year. One line in particular warmed me from the inside out, “I admire how you continue to write, putting it all on the line for love.”

Her note was particularly timely, as I’d just gotten off the phone with ANOTHER friend — Friend B — that made me want to beat my head against the desk. We’d had one of “those” conversations, yet again. The problem hasn’t changed, nor has this person’s motivation to do something about the problem, other than auto-flaggilate. Which if you think about it is as painful to do as it is to watch.

“Look,” I finally said to Friend B. “Right now you have a choice. You can’t change ____, and you can’t change ___, but you CAN change one thing: how to spend the next hour. Set a goal for yourself, and while you work, try to think of 3 things to be thankful for. When you’re done, see if you don’t feel better!”

When I was done with the “tough love,” it was time to “put it on the line.” I reminded Friend B of all she had been through in the past year — all the loss, all the stress, all the pressure — and suggested that perhaps it was finally time to deal with all the feelings that had been set aside in order to deal with the immediate crisis. “Sooner or later, you have to deal if you want to get to a happy place. Talk to someone who understands these things. Let it out. You’ll be glad you did.”

Buck up, Buttercup. It’s time to dance!

As women, we sometimes forget to take care of ourselves, whether in the heat of crisis or in the aftermath. Sure, we need to eat right and exercise and rest. But we also need to release that little pressure valve inside us, setting up little victories for ourselves, slipping off those ratty old house slippers and donning our leather-soled dancing shoes.

By now you may be wondering what line dancing has to do with all this. In the chapter “God and Godiva” of Hallie Lord’s book Style, Sex, and Substance, Karen Edmisten suggests we “dance in the kitchen” — and thank God for the “raw and energizing power of music.” Excuse me … I think I’m gonna go dance now. “Line dancing,” if you will.

Love Among the Poor, from “Ruthless Trust” (The Love Project, Day 18)

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ruthless trustToday’s “Love Story” comes from Brennan Manning’s Ruthless Trust. Quoting Christian statistician George Barna Jr. in The Saints Among Us, Manning reminds us all that the trusting heart is, first and foremost, a thankful — and that those thankful hearts are often found in unexpected places, including the poor and marginalized. Barna writes:

In many cases there are people who have known dire economic straits, yet their trust has enabled them to step outside their grim conditions and to find jooy in life, so they run against the grain. The fact they are downscale suggests that though they are burdened by economic problems, they are not overcome by them. they are more forgiving, more grateful and more likely to be unprejudiced, as well as twice as likely to be involved in outreach to neighbors, as persons at the lower end of the spiritual commitment scale. In other studies we have done, such as financial giving, we found that the poor give a larger proportion of their income to charity than the rich. being surrounded by misery, they see opportunities to help on every side. The rich, especially now, with the widening gap between rich and poor, hae a tendency to cordon themselves off and therefore don’t see much of the grimness of life.

Manning concludes the chapter with this memorable line: “To be grateful for an unanswered prayer, to give thanks in a state of interior desolation, to trust in the love of God in the face of marvels, cruel circumstances, obscenities, and commonplaces of life is to whispoer a doxology in the darkness.”

Today’s Love in Action: Find a way to be a source of unexpected blessing to someone else today.

When a Loved One Dies: “Say His Name” (The Love Project, Day 14)

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ol sorrowsToday at HuffPosts Parents I came across this poignant article by Jackie Moore, on how she survived the death of her 19-year-old son, by following the example and advice of her father. She writes:

Daddy’s words to me were simple and direct: “Don’t stop talking about him. You say his name everyday.” I’m not sure if I would have taken such direct advice from just anyone, but I knew my father’s experiences with loss. Daddy’s advice was him speaking what he had lived. The way I knew about my aunts, uncles and paternal grandparents was because Daddy didn’t stop talking about them. He said their names and his eyes lit up with the memories they invoked.

Every time I called him in the weeks and months after Jordan died, sometimes barely able to speak because I couldn’t catch my breath from crying, he would calm me, soothe me, always telling me he wished he could take some of the pain away. He never failed to remind me of his feeling that holding in my grief would make me sick. Then he would ask, “Are you talking about Jordan? You make sure you keep talking about him.” I always told him, “Yes, we talk about him everyday.”

To read the whole article, click here.

Today’s Love in Action: Do you know someone who has lost a loved one? Encourage that person to tell you a story of her loved one’s life. In that way, you will walk alongside your friend and share her burden, if only momentarily.