CPAP Hell…o

“Beauty is pain,” Mom once told me. The opposite can also be true: Feeling good sometimes requires a gal to endure a few humiliating moments. So when I got tired of listening to my husband complain about (a) my snoring and (b) my tendency to hold my breath in my sleep,  I went in to the sleep lab to get tested for sleep apnea. Never in my life have I felt so beautiful. See?

cpap.jpg

The doctor confirmed my husband’s suspicion that I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in years, and so I agreed to get the CPAP machine to complement the appliance I already wear on my teeth each night. The med tech informed me that this Philips Dream Station Auto model is top-of-the line, with a built-in monitor that can tell if and how long I am wearing my gear, and whether I had any more gasping episodes. Not at all creepy!

“You’ll feel so much better!” the doctor assured me.

“You’ll have more energy!” my husband added. (This was less than convincing. He’s had a CPAP for years, and he has the sleep habits of a giraffe.)

“Mommy, you look weird!” This last one, from the mouth of teenaged babes, was in retrospect the closest to the truth. At the sight of me in my new CPAP, the dogs jumped off the bed and hid in their crates. Well, if I had to wear this contraption on my face, at least I could move my legs.

Last night was my first night with the headgear. I felt like an astronaut, with all the tubes and air blowing up my nose. I couldn’t talk (thanks to the mouth gear), and couldn’t find a comfortable spot on my side that wouldn’t crush the tube. So I laid on my back, closed my eyes . . . and soon it was morning.

I couldn’t move. My back muscles were rioting, and it felt like someone had punched me in the nose. I’d had wild dreams (and not the good kind) in riotous Technicolor all night. In short, I felt 100x worse than the night before.

Craig was sympathetic. “You haven’t had enough REM sleep for years, honey. Your body is just getting used to it. Don’t give up!”  He hauled me out of bed, maneuvered me to the bathroom, and went to get the kids off to school. Bless him.

I took a long, hot shower and after awhile I could move enough to get dressed. The dogs now circled me in full-blown panic over the groans that had escaped from me during the Battle of the Bath. One of them is sitting on my feet as I type this, the other just beside my chair, on full alert. Me, I’m still on the fence about the machine. I don’t think I’m thinking any more clearly than I was two days ago. Then again, maybe brain fuzz is just a symptom of middle age, and I should get used to it.

At least the machine keeps the dogs off the bed . . . and inspires my husband to get up with the kids! Maybe that’s worth a little of my dignity, too.

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31 Days of De-Stressed Living, Day 9: Decide to Laugh

Today we turn to “The Bloggess” for a much-needed dose of relationship humor. (Warning: Contains some PG-13 language.)

Who knew that the fifteenth anniversary gift was “Big Metal Chicken”?

big metal chicken

Here’s one for all you good Catholic moms out there.

OK, now put down your computer and head out for the day just looking for something to make you laugh!

Perhaps an “America’s Funniest Outfit” contest?

Sarah 2005

What’s the funniest thing you’ve read online recently? Share the link below.

 

Mighty Mom Monday: Crawfish Confessions

Here we are, celebrating Thanksgiving with the grandparents.  Each kiddo has a small helping of  meat, veggies, green bean casserole and crawfish dressing on their plate.
 
I keep trying to encourage the Gator-boy (age 3 1/2)  to try his food. 
 
He’ll eat all the meat but nothing else!
 
I point out that crawfish is meat…..”NO!”
 
Wanna try some off Momma’s fork?….”NO!”
 
I’m gonna steal it if you don’t eat it….mmmm mmm…so good….here, you wanna bite?  … “NO!”
 
OK, fine, I give up. Eat the meat, leave the rest, at least you’re quiet and happy and not starting a food fight in Mimi’s formal dining room.
 
Then I get caught up cutting meat for Sonshine……
 
That’s when I hear it.  “Crawfish!…giggle”
 
Huh????
 
I turn around to see that Grandad is helping Gatorboy search for, find and EAT all the crawfish out of his dressing.  Grandparents have magic 🙂
 
I may have to change my name.  
 
signed…..
Nolongermighty Mom.

Mighty Mom Monday: Giving Thanks…

Sugars (21 months)Gator Boy (3-1/2)Sonshine (5)
Mighty Mom is back, feeling very thankful … As we enter the

Advent season, let’s join her in a moment of giving thanks.

(I’m especially thankful that the holiday weekend is over and

the kids are back in school!)

Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look

around once in awhile, you could miss it.”

So, what has Mightymom been doing for the last two weeks while

she wasn’t writing Mighty Mom Monday posts?

Cue the music! Sing along with me folks, the tune is

“Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”…

There was retching and puking and cleaning the carpets.
washing the sheets and changing the diapers…
But the best of all …. are the blessings that I can recall!

(Ba dum dum dum)

Sick kids are very snuggly
Even those who usually aren’t
Husbands are very handy
Renting carpet cleaners fast.

Bath time is lots of fun
even several times a day
it makes you smell so yummy
and washes all the sicks away.

Then there’s one more very big… Blessing I must share
I would up and go to work… Leaving hubby there (he’s the best)!

Now all the kids are better
Eating all the food they can
Running around like banshees
Playing hard and chasing cats!

Yup, life moves pretty fast, remember to stop and count your blessings

during this busy season, folks.

Photo credit: Church Candles Online; also photos from Mighty Mom!